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Weekly
Article
How to
Recognize a Bad Relationship
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At some point in your life, you'll most likely
experience some sort of "bad" relationship, whether that is romantic,
friendship or parent based doesn't really matter, just the fact that
you will experience this is enough.
Recognizing you're enduring a bad relationship can be
difficult, especially if you are the type of person that sees the good in
people and doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings... I found myself in
this position 8 months ago... Here's my story (I'm the girl).
Girl meets guy, guy and girl have known each
other for a while through various associations from a group they belong
to. Guy asks girl out, girl says yes and they start to date. Girl has
been out of a long-term relationship for about 2 years, guy (girl did not
know this at the time) has only been single for a month! Long story
short, they date, guy pressures girl, she buckles and there it ends...
Now, you might be wondering what actually happened and how did
I recognize things just weren't right? Well, if I was honest with
myself in the beginning, I would never have gone out with him, but I
listened to what other people had to say and because I was a little
vulnerable, I went out with him.
While said guy was nice enough... things started to happen that
immediately sent my alarm bells off, like after our first date, he sent
through a fax with a poem titled "why I'm the guy for...," and he would
say things like "you're too independent, you should lean on me more" or
"let me take care of you, you don't have to do anything" this sort of
thing. And on top of all of this, the demands for intimacy all the time
and the subsequent moods if said demands were not met.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Anyone that makes you
feel sick when they are around you, or makes you want to not spend time
with them is not right for you, regardless of how you say you might
feel about them. I had convinced myself that I was in love with this
guy because I liked the lifestyle he could give me and I was ready to
settle down and have kids... but not with him.
It took me a long time to "get out" of the relationship because
I kept second guessing myself. My inner voice was screaming at me to
leave, yet I just couldn't bring myself to do it and that's when I
started getting literarily sick. For 5 months I was continuously ill with this or
that, something was always wrong, and I never get sick! I started to
see the light, it got to the point where I wouldn't even answer his
calls because I could see his number coming up. When I couldn't
stand him touching me I knew it was time to leave. Was it hard?
Yes, probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I
don't regret it.
I have learnt a few things from this experience that I wish to pass onto you:
1. Trust your instinct. If your inner knowing is screaming at you, listen!
2. Don't listen to what others have to say if it goes against what you would normally do.
3. Ensure you're happy first, you have to love you before you can love someone else.
4. Listen for and take notice of the tell tale signs.
5. Take action.
I am much happier now and glad to have gotten out of this
relationship fairly unscathed. If you are in a situation where the
person is abusing you in any way, you NEED to do something about it,
you are the only person that can change the situation and aren't you
important enough to you to make sure you are safe?
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